Well!

8 1/2 days was about all I could do on The Cleanse.  I don’t know HOW in the world Oprah managed to get through it!  Wait, maybe it’s because she had a freaking personal chef for part of the time.  Can you imagine?  HAVING A PERSONAL CHEF?  Gah.  Anyway, I sprinkled cheese on my salad at lunch, had cheese and gluten-filled crackers and a slice of spice cake at a family Father’s Day gathering this afternoon, and I am seriously (SERIOUSLY) enjoying a glass of wine now.  The only thing I don’t feel like eating is meat.  I can do without meat.  Or maybe have it be more of a condiment than a main event. 

Anyway, THERE.  I threw in the towel.  I don’t know what happened.  I was so fucking gung-ho about it all for like a week and then, BAM, I became cranky and just wanted some damn ranch on my salad.  It’s weird because I wanted to be strong for The Internets.  The minute I decided that this wasn’t fun anymore, I thought, BUT THE INTERNET!  I have to stay strong for ALL MY READERS!  All the readers who are thinking, Heh, we’ll see how long THIS lasts.  I have to show them that I am strong!  But then I decided that I don’t really need enlightenment.  I just need a glass of wine and some good cheese.  With a side of portion control and mindfulness.

And that is why I am going straight to hell.

The End

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL THE HARD-WORKING FAMILY MEN OUT THERE!  I’m lucky to have married one of them. 

Whoa.

Today we woke up early, extra early, like set-the-alarm early, in order to go drop D’s truck off for servicing at the dealership and beat the crowds.  I am tired, and I find myself wanting a glass of wine, something sweet, and a giant cup of creamy coffee.  So today, on Day 8: THE CRAVINGS BEGIN.  Will I make it to day 21?  Will I stay strong and focus on the big picture?  Ooo, I can hardly stand the anticipation myself!  I bet y’all are DYING! 

Anyway, not getting enough sleep will kill you.  I’ll be going to bed early tonight.

I have ten free minutes…

…while I’m nursing the baby, before picking Ethan up from swimming lessons.  EGADS.  Busy!  BUSYBUSYBUSYBUSYBUSY!  And I need to unload the dishwasher and fold a shit ton of laundry.  My to-do list only keeps getting longer at an alarming rate, and I’m not crossing things off fast enough to make any sort of difference.  I am LOSING. MY. MIND.

Eh?  Oh yes!  The cleanse!  Still at it people, still at it.  And would you believe me if I told you I didn’t miss sugar?  Wine?  Meat?  Because I don’t!  It’s true!  I miss cheese, and that is all.  I’d say I don’t miss gluten either, but is that something you can really miss?  I’m not quite sure.  Some things I have noticed:

• My eyes look a little more clear.
• I feel lighter.
• I am more, uh… regular.  Yes, REGULAR.  In a good way.
• I have MUCH more energy.  Much!  More!
• I hardly think about food.  You would think (well, I thought, anyway) that doing a cleanse like this would make me obsessed with food and fixated on what I can and can’t eat, but not so.  I’m sure staying so flippin’ busy is helpful, but I really don’t think about food much until I start to feel hungry.  
• I sleep better.  Even though I don’t get 7 SOLID hours of sleep (thanks to Mr. Stinky Pants here), I feel like the sleep I do get is deeper and more recharging. 

I have not thought once about going off this cleanse.  I’m honestly really enjoying it!

OMG.  If you come to our apartment, please pay no mind to the nasty finger prints on our t.v.  I just noticed them.  DISGUST.

While we’re talking about cleansing and veganism and the like, if you haven’t visited Skwigg’s blog lately you should probably pop on over there immediately.  Some interesting stuff going on over there.  GOOD stuff!

Day 3

Just wanted to do a quick post to say that things are going great on the cleanse!  My favorite meal so far has been gluten-free waffles topped with peaches, strawberries and blackberries, a dollop of soy yogurt, and drizzled with agave nectar.  I also really like “kitchen sink salads”, with nuts and seeds and chickpeas and mixed veggies, topped with a crumbled garden burger.  I was afraid that soy yogurt would be disgusting but it really isn’t.  I bought the plain kind and it tastes very much like regular yogurt, maybe even a bit better.  I was kind of tired yesterday, and at around 10 p.m. I started to feel feverish.  I had chills and my whole body was kind of achey, especially my right boob.  I took an ibuprofen and felt better after half an hour.  I don’t think this has anything to do with the cleanse.  I really think that I had a clogged milk duct, which can end up being quite serious if not tended to.  I feel better this morning, but I woke up feeling really weird, kind of headachey, and my whole body still hurts.  Could this be some kind of side effect of detoxification?  Anyway, I’m not really missing coffee or wine.  It felt weird not having my usual morning coffee the first day, but I think that it’s more a habit thing and not a true addiction.  Same with the wine.  I also don’t miss sugar or meat.  Yesterday we went to Central Market for lunch and Drew got a giant gelato waffle cone.  I thought nothing of it!  If anything I’d say I miss cheese.  Does anyone know of a good soy cheese?  Past experience has led me to believe that all soy cheese tastes like ASS.  Anyway, so far, so good!

The 21-Day Quantum Wellness Cleanse

These days I think it’s safe to say that I am more busy than I have ever, ever been in my life.  With two small children to wrangle and a household to tend to and budgets to balance and a business to run, I will think on a Monday that I would really like to give myself a pedicure and not get around to doing it until Thursday or Friday, if at all.  Slopping a couple of coats of cheap nail polish on my toenails didn’t used to be such a luxury!

Anyway, mealtimes and nutrition have both taken a backseat to other, more pressing priorities, and that is really a shame.  I love food.  I love to shop for it, I love to cook and prepare it, and I love to sit down at the table to eat it.  I don’t think I have officially cooked anything worth mentioning since before O was born.  At lunch you will more often than not find me slamming a sandwich down while nursing the baby, folding the laundry with my feet and answering phone calls.  At dinner I sit on the couch with my notebook and phone at my side, nursing the baby to sleep while eating a bowl of soup or cereal or handful after handful of chips.  I need to start paying attention.  I need to take a little time to prepare my food.  It makes me happy, makes me feel good, and I usually eat all-around better when I do.

(UNRELATED: A long long time ago, probably after I had a very large glass of wine, I promised my husband that I would watch Bio-Dome with him when he added it to our Netflix list.  It came today.  FUCK.  I made him promise to watch The Notebook with me to balance things out, but STILL.  Doh!)

Anyway, this is something I could ramble on and on about and I know that at any moment the baby will spit up or Ethan will need something or a phone call will come in, so I will just tell you that for many different reasons I have decided to do the 21-Day Quantum Wellness Cleanse.  Today is Day 1.  It’s all about connecting mind, body and spirit.  As someone who drinks a glass of wine (or two!) most nights and a very large cup of coffee every morning, I thought it would do me some good to go without for 21 days.  Change things up.  Break away from some of those nasty food and drink addictions.  The cleanse isn’t some crazy liquid starvation fast, but rather a plant-based “eat when you’re hungry” plan.  You abstain from all animal products, caffeine, alcohol, gluten and sugar for 21 days, while doing meditation and visualization exercises each day to kind of get in tune with yourself and the world around you.

What’s left to eat?  I’m armed with agave nectar and vegan mayo and vegan butter.  Today, so far, I have had steel-cut oats with sliced strawberries, agave nectar and unsweetened soy milk for breakfast.  A thinkFruit bar for a snack.  Lunch was a salad with mixed raw vegetables and greens, sunflower seeds, a crumbled vegan Gardenburger on top, and olive oil and vinegar with sea salt and cracked pepper for a dressing.  My second snack was a brown rice cake topped with almond butter and banana slices.  My plan for dinner is a black bean and tofu burrito in a sprouted grain tortilla with guacamole.  Not to shabby, eh?  I’m enjoying it so far.  It is only day 1, though, I know.  On day 9 or 15 or 21 I might totally lose my mind and become some scary zombie-like monster who will set out on an unstoppable quest for a bacon-wrapped donut dipped in rum and espresso.  We shall see.  I’m pretty determined to stick with this the entire 21 days, though, and my pantry is stocked.  Mind over matter.  Let’s see what happens.  I wonder how I will feel after a week?  14 days?  After three whole weeks?

Running

So much has changed over the last year and a half: our move back to Texas, my return to stay-at-home-mommyhood, Drew making a major career change, and the birth of our second son.  We struggled, we celebrated successes big and small, we laughed, we cried, we fought, we kissed and made up, we got back on our feet.  Somehow, along the way, we managed to begin the process of buying a small business.  Drew’s boss, who ran a two-man-show garage repair gig, decided to pursue other options in his hometown of Somewhere, California, and he wanted us to take over the business for him.  Which we did.  LAST WEEK.  With pleasure!  Because what happens if you never take risks?  It’s scary, but we’ll never know if we don’t try.  It’s exciting and nerve-wracking and stressful and rewarding on so many different levels.  It took me this long to talk about it on The Internets because I certainly don’t want to jinx anything, if you believe in that sort of thing, and I’m not sure that I do but WHAT THE HELL BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.

This past week I have never been more tired or stressed, but I’ve also never been more excited or optimistic.  Taking care of the household and two small kids and running one end of the business is kicking my ass.  AND I LIKE IT.

Stay tuned!  Needless to say, that is what I have been up to.  BIIIZZZEEEEEEEE.  So, so very busy.  But I collapse in a heap on the floor each evening feeling very fulfilled and accomplished.  And that’s what it’s all about.  Wait, or is that the hokey pokey I’m thinking of?

His Head is Big, My Yogurt is Greek

Poor Ethan.  He insists on getting dressed BY HIMSELF each day, which is great, but then after several minutes he’ll come rushing to me with his t-shirt stuck around his face, declaring, “I CAN’T DOOOOO THIIIIIIS!”  Heh.  It is hilarious and heart-breaking.  Perhaps he has an abnormally large head.  Hmmm.

Can anyone tell me what the best tasting and least expensive brand of Greek yogurt is?  Because right now I’m buying Fage (LOVE!), but at $1.47 per single-serve cup, if I eat one every day that’s… that’s… WAY too much to be spending on yogurt every week.  It’s so CREAMY and delish.  If you haven’t tried Greek yogurt yet, I’m not quite sure what you’re waiting for.  Unless, of course, you don’t LIKE yogurt.  Just know that Greek yogurt isn’t like that nasty fat-free flavored goo that many people buy.  It is thick and creamy and rich, even the low and fat-free kinds.  AND, it’s higher in protein!  I’m not getting paid to pimp Greek yogurt, but I certainly should be.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the little things in life that I love, thanks to M.  I really love when paper bags fold flat effortlessly.  I, too, enjoy cleaning my ears with Q-tips, maybe a little too much.  I love folding warm laundry on a cold day (hey, I must be a stay-at-home-mom!).  Lastly, I really enjoy the sound of gravel crunching when you walk on it.  That is all for today.  Sadly, my list of HATES is very long, but that is probably because I have been parenting two small children mostly alone for several days now while D works like a madman.  Poor me, poor D.  Come on over for ONE BIG PITY PARTY!  I have wine!

YES!  COME OVER!  I need someone else to PLAY WITH!  All my Mom does is feed Ollie and fold laundry and sometimes she cries for no reason at all.

Don’t believe him.  It’s all Skittles and rainbows and poopy diapers here, y’all!  I DIG IT!

Interview with Ethan: May 2009

I found this over at Sundry’s blog.  How else can you blog and do something with your kid at the same time?  Thought it was a neat idea.  Some of the questions got a little mixed up (are you asking that about me or about you?), but that’s ok.

Interview with Ethan, age 3:

What is something I always say to you? “Go potty.  Go to time-out.  It’s a rainy day.”  (Me: What is something that I say that is NICE to you!?) “I love you.  Give me a hug.  Give me a kiss.”  (Hrmph.  It’s clear that I have to BEG for his affections.  Probably because I’m apparently always telling him to go potty and to time-out!)

What makes you happy? ”Emily and Zack.  Carolyn and Nathan.  Grammy.  All my family!  I want to go play my video games now.”  (Parent FAIL.)

What makes you sad? “Monsters make me sad and tigers make me sad and even zombies make me sad!” 

What do you think I was like as a child? “A mermaid.”  (SWEET!  I always loved the movie Splash…)

How old am I? “I don’t know how old you are.”

How tall am I? “One, two, three, four, five.  Five inches.  No, TEN!  I said TEN INCHES!”   (And then he growled for some reason.)

What is your favorite thing to do? “Glue and scissors and pencils.  And crayons.  And even painting!”

What do I do when you’re not around? “Um… Daddy leaves you here and I leave you here.  Right?” (Me: What do you think I do when you guys aren’t here?)  “Uh, I can’t tell you.”

If I become famous, what will it be for? “I don’t know.”

What am I really good at? “Checking your email.”

What am I not really good at? “Doing some video games.”  (He is correct.)

What is my job? “Checking your email!”

What is my favorite food? “Vegetables.  Watermelons.  Pineapples.  Peaches and some bananas.  And broccoli.  And salsa and some hot dogs.”  (WOW.)

What makes you proud of me? “Going poops on the potty!”  (Um, I think we got a little confused there…)

What makes me proud of you? “Going poops on the potty!”  (CORRECT.)

What do you and I do together? “Go to the store and get toys.  Glue, scissors, and stuff.”

How are we the same? “THAT’S ENOUGH QUESTIONS.”  (We’re almost done!  Like, do you think that we look the same?)  “YES BUT I AM ALL DONE WITH QUESTIONS.  So let me play my video games!”  (Egads.)

How are you and I different? “Um, when it’s boring.”  (Wha?)

How do you know that I love you? “When you give me a hug and a kiss.  That is good.”

What is one thing you wish you could change about me? ”I don’t knooooooooooooooooooooow.  THAT’S ENOUGH QUESTIONS, okaaaaaaaay?  PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!”  (Psh, you’d have thought I was giving him a root canal or something.)   (Also, I always feel like screaming this at job interviews.)

What do you wish you could go and do with me? “Go to Target.” (Ah, son, if we had unlimited money, we could live there.  It’s good to dream big.)

What did you expect?

Surely by now you know that I have absolutely nothing of substance to write about.  So it shouldn’t surprise you when I post more baby pictures (AGAIN!).

(No babies became intoxicated during the taking of this photo.)

Hey hey hey, hold up, man!  Where’d my beer go?

I guess we can all finally breathe a sigh of relief.  It is clear that Drew is in fact Oliver’s daddy.

Who’s my daddy?

Oliver at around 12 weeks old.

Ethan at almost 12 weeks old.

Ollie

Ethan

(Gah, poor E.  He’s nearly 3 1/2 and I’m still posting his baby pictures on the Internet.)

THE END.

(You’re WELCOME!)

(Right now I bet you’re thinking, What a waste of time THAT was, am I right?  As I said to Drew earlier when he wouldn’t get out of the bathroom, SUCK A BAG OF DONKEY HOT DOGS.)

Typical

Ethan: Mommy, the baby is crying.

Me: Thank you, I have ears.  I CAN HEAR HIM.

Ethan: Well, go get him!

Me: Do not talk to me like that.

Ethan: Pleeeease go get him!

Sigh.